Hello fellow single-moms, and married moms as well… widowed moms, estranged moms, moms going through a separation, and welcome step-moms. If you are reading this, it’s probably because you’re searching for a little mom-to-mom compassion like the rest of us; and maybe you feel like you’re drowning in motherhood and other facets of life, even if only a little bit, too.
Being a Mom is hard, and it’s often thankless; it’s emotionally overwhelming on both good and bad ends of the spectrum. It is exhausting, even if solely for the lack of sleep. You pray to whomever you pray to that your child will not end up a Kemper-esque serial killer. For those of you who don’t understand the reference, Edmund Kemper III, cut off his mother’s head, in addition to murdering nine other people. Not much of a fun fact, but you get my point.
I’m writing this blog because I often feel really alone as a Mom, and also really guilty that I seem to be struggling so much through the ever-changing stages motherhood has thrown my way. I didn’t read all of the books out there, so I’m claiming ignorance to a certain degree. However I do know from my discussions with other mothers who have read all of the books, that I am far from the only one struggling.
My purpose is to attempt to be open and honest about my experiences and struggles as a somewhat young, single-mother. I want to tell you about how I had to heal from my relationship with my son’s father. I want to tell you about the struggles of filing for child support, going to court, and having to be dependent upon others financially, and all of the disappointments that came with that. I would like to be transparent about dealing with family court, and where that all is going and has gone. I want to talk about dealing with lack of follow-through on the other parent’s part, and what my son’s experience is like with someone that I personally have a lot of disdain for. I’m not so mature where I’ll wish him happiness and light. See, this is a place for honesty!
Next, I want to be open about dating as a single-mom, navigating relationships, recognizing bad romantic habits, and going through heartbreak again. I feel it is imperative to tell you about the inconvenience of getting babysitters just to go meet someone from a dating app, and risk the possibility of an awkward exchange. If you really want to feel like you’re wasting time and money, just date as a single-parent. I want to be realistic about how much my sex life has change, and how my relationship with my body has drastically altered since having a child.
I want to share with you my fears about my son’s development, mostly verbal and emotional. I want to attempt to relate to you on all of the ways I think I’ve messed him up, and simultaneously share all of the successes I think I might have had in his three short years. I want you to know it is okay to want a break from your kids, or at least to make me feel better when I want one too.
I want to cover childcare, working, not working, finances, grandparents, family, holidays, self-care, body image, other parents, personal friendships, school, toys, activities, entertainment, social media influence. I want to leave no stone unturned, so that you know you are not the only going through what might feel like a constant uphill battle in any one of these realms. Or hell, even all of them.
And I mostly just want you to know you are not alone in your struggles with balancing all things life and motherhood.
I have been a swimmer for most of my life and I remember thinking what an odd sport it is, because it is predominantly an independent activity. Of course there are relay races, and you might hear cheers during a race as you turn to breathe, but for the most part you are competing by yourself. Well, I’m here to tell you I’ll be your pacer. You might have to perform on your own, but you can look to me and know I’m doing the same. I’m beside you, making sure you don’t sink to the bottom when you get a cramp, and you’ll do the same for me, because just knowing I’m not alone in the struggle is a comfort that keeps me from going into a hyperventilating panic.
I would be remiss if I didn’t take the advantage to utilize this illustrious quote from a Disney Pixar classic. I’m sure you know the saying, because you’ve probably seen Finding Nemo about 999 times (it’s okay you can say your kid made you watch it. I won’t tell), “Just keep swimming”.
I’m here for it. “It” being motherhood.. won’t you join me?